Month: October 2014

What’s In A Name?

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What’s In A Name? that which we call a rose | By any other name would smell as sweet… This morning I overheard a mother screaming at her young son who was running dangerously around a very busy car park. She seemed more concerned about his chocolate consumption than by the very high likelihood he might be hit by a car. My point, however, is not to criticise this mother’s parenting, or the fact that she left her trolly […]

Dear James Blunt, Twitter Thinks You’re Beautiful

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Earlier this week, Twitter suggested I follow @JamesBlunt. James who? went my brain for close to three minutes. Then it hit me. James Blunt! That guy who sang You’re Beautiful! Once upon a time, circa 2004, I was obsessed with James Blunt’s album Back to Bedlam. I mean obsessed. But then again, so was the rest of the world. When he toured Australia, my friend and I went to his concert wearing hand painted t-shirts exclaiming ‘I Heart James Blunt’. I […]

We Are Living In A Material World

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One of the greatest responsibilities of my job as a retail assistant is to select gifts for men to give their girlfriends/wives/mistresses for birthdays, anniversaries, or just because. More often than not, let’s say 95% of the time, men come into the shop without a clue: “I want to buy my wife earrings.” “Oh, lovely! I assume her ears are pierced?” “I’m not quite sure. Does it matter?” “Yes, it matters somewhat. Perhaps a necklace?” “Okay. Although she doesn’t have a neck.” The shop […]

What Really Goes On In The Bedroom

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Now that got your attention didn’t it, you dirty person, you! Anyway, last night I had trouble sleeping. In fact, I doubt whether I slept at all. I spent the dark night frantically tossing and turning, stretching my restless legs and punching my pillow in tired frustration. In dire consequence, I have had some serious trouble functioning as a sane human being on this gloomy Monday. My sentences are coming out elephant and I cannot remember the simplest […]

A Curious Case Of Mistaken Identity

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There is a man who works on the same street as me who thinks I’m somebody else and it’s becoming quite awkward. (For the record, we do not ‘work the street’ alongside one another as prostitutes; he works in the building above my shop.) About a year ago now, he and I were crossing the road at the same time when he engaged in conversation with somebody called Sarah. He asked about work, “good thanks!”, and […]