It’s A Dog-Eat-Coffee World

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Random Banter

I suppose I better explain the title of this post. It’s supposed to be a play on the expression “it’s a dog-eat-dog world” but you mightn’t have picked up on that because I replaced the second “dog” with “coffee”. So, I suppose I better explain the expression “dog-eat-dog world” now too because you mightn’t have heard of it. (You’re rather slow today. No offence.) The phrase refers to a world in which people fight for themselves and are willing to hurt other people to get what they want: aka the 21st Century. So why is the dog in this world eating “coffee”, I hear you ask? Here’s why: because the other day I saw a dog eat coffee.

This is not a joke.

I’ve got a new job at a super trendy café in a super trendy suburb of Melbourne. Everyone that comes into this particular café is impossibly good-looking and impossibly well dressed. In my torn jeans and dirty Converse sneakers I serve beautiful women with perfectly quaffed hair and men wearing navy blue suits and Ray Ban Wayfarers (yum). The café has a row of tables outside in the sunshine that are almost always filled with customers and their dogs: Golden Retrievers, German Shepherds, Poodles, Beagles, Chihuahuas, Dalmatians – you name it. We offer impeccable customer service in providing our four-legged patrons with bowls filled with water (sparkling or still). We also provide our two-legged patrons with glasses or mugs filled with coffee (up there with the best in Melbourne, might I add). FYI: There are about as many variations of coffee in Melbourne as there are variations of dog breeds in the entire world, cross breeds included.

The other morning I delivered a coffee (weak, skinny cappuccino, extra hot, with extra froth) to a woman who was sitting outside with her dog (Dachshund). As I cleared her emptied lunch plate, the woman spooned a spoonful of chocolate dusted skinny milk froth and…wait for it…fed it to her dog. I told you I wasn’t joking. I went back inside and explained to my co-worker what I’d just seen. I received a very unexpected response:
“Oh yeah – that’s Misty. She’s addicted to froth.”
“Wait, the dog or the woman?”
“The dog!”

We are living in a world where dogs have become addicted to coffee froth. This is very, very serious.

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The Author

My name is Emily and this is a place where I write about all of the things I love (and sometimes the things I don't love). These things I love include all sorts of people: strangers, friends and family alike. And writing of course! I've never liked giving descriptions of myself, so you'll have to read my random banter in order to get to know me.

5 Comments

  1. Helen says

    Very funny Em and alas not unbelievable. I had a dog that ate a whole packet of instant coffee & then raced around in circles for 5 hours. It was terrifying yet strangely funny.

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  2. Janie Green says

    I have to give my boss’s dachshund 1/2 my coffee and all the froth every morning – the dog goes nuts if he doesn’t get it! ,!! Janie xxx

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    • Hi Janie! So you’re telling me ALL dachshunds are addicted to coffee!? I’m kind of concerned…and I hope your boss pays for at least half of your coffee each day considering you don’t get to enjoy it! X

      Like

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